One Day At A Time

Credit on image

I recently had a small crisis. I realised that I’d spent my life hurtling along this conveyor belt, always knowing what the next step should be, and aiming for the next goal, and the next one, heading for the ultimate goal – employed adulthood. I had a plan from far too young to have a plan, and have followed it faithfully since I was four. When something was hard, it was ok, but it was just the stepping stone to the next thing – if school made me miserable, it was ok, because I just needed my GSCEs to get to college; when I struggled to assimilate at uni, it was ok, because I just had to get through three years to get a degree which would let me get the job.

When I finally (finally!) reached the Holy Grail – a permanent position as something I was good at and trained for, with a company who wanted to invest in my future, I had a few months of euphoria before the slow, creeping doubts began…

Now what?!

I’d spent my LIFE working towards the next thing. Now that the next thing was this thing – now that I’d ‘arrived’… what then? What do I aim for? Where am I going? Is this it? Monday to Friday, nine til five, for the rest of my life? I can’t quite describe the horror that came over me when I first realised this… like a big, black yawning chasm opening in front of my feet, I felt the rest of my life slipping through my fingers. Things like this video started resonating with me an awful lot:

I’m not there anymore – there’s several blog-posts’ worth of mind knots to follow in order to figure out how I got from there to here, but this one is about the small piece of blatant obviousness that I discovered all by myself. Ready? Here it is:

 

One day at a time.

 

Or a morning, or an hour, or a minute, or as much as you can handle… as my Dad is fond of saying, one bite of the elephant at a time. Isn’t it funny how we can know something for ever, but not really KNOW it?! I’ve taken this approach to tasks for as long as I can remember – if a task feels too big, break it up into smaller chunks (like a to-do list) and just do the most important thing first, and then the rest will follow. But at some point I had a mini-epiphany, and figured out that I could apply this to the task of living.

I know! Mind = BLOWN, right?!

It was taking that one-bite-at-a-time philosophy one step further, from a coping technique (close your eyes, one bite at a time, don’t chew, bite and swallow bite and swallow and soon the elephant will be all gone without you noticing) to a living technique. Continuing the rather cliched elephant metaphor, it would be like taking your time over each mouthful and savouring the flavour. Alan Watts says it well in the video above – dance to the music! Sing along! Life isn’t something to be ‘got through’, is it? It’s something to be lived! It’s a blindingly obvious shift in focus, but one that I only recently really ‘got’.

I still can’t cope with the thought that I might be doing what I’m doing now forever – to be honest, if someone mentions the spring term, I start panic-breathing a little. But… I can do today. Yep, I can do today, no problemo, no sweat! Eeeeasy. I know what I have to do today, and I know I can do it – wonderful! I’ve got through the last few months like this – it’s amazing how quickly time flies when you immerse yourself fully in each day, instead of living half in the future. Some days are hard, and I have to march through like a journey (bite and swallow DON’T CHEW); but increasingly, days are interesting, and complex, and enjoyable and challenging and full of flavour. I still sometimes get overwhelmed, and pretty soon I’m going to have to start investing in the future again, and making plans and commitments beyond the next 24 hours (more to follow on why) but for now, I’m enjoying being in the moment.

I know this isn’t really news – it’s not an original idea, by a long stretch, but I think it’s interesting how sometimes a gem of common sense, something you’ve known intellectually for ever, can make the transition into experiential knowledge. So yes. I can do today. In fact, seeing as it’s five in the evening, I can even do tomorrow, I’m pretty sure! At least the first half, anyway.

Next week?!

Woah, woah. One thing at a time.